Stephanie Ford • 11 min read • 12
Today’s post is through Stephanie, another Australian who has got started Russian that is learning while in Russia.
In this post she stocks about her experience as a female dating in Russia while learning the language. This can be a subject we have actually too much to state about actually I partly credit with helping me learn the language so quickly (links to my story below) as I had a Russian girlfriend during my time in Kazan which.
Therefore it’s interesting to know another perspective – especially one which respects the standard values of Russian culture. ??
Russia is portrayed to your western being a cool, difficult destination with a few magical architecture, wide variety vodka shots, and a leader whom dances with bears and whom, for a few unfathomable explanation, never ever wears a top.
The individuals are portrayed within the countless American movies featuring Russians as spies or people in gangs whom continue steadily to relate to one another solely as comrade (which, incidentally, is just a term that came into English through the Romance languages and it is generally not very A russian term! Whom knew?! ).
Whilst it’s cool, vodka definitely exists, and calendars featuring a shirtless putin and puppies aren’t an issue, you will find a thousand misconceptions about Russian culture and individuals.
After residing right right right here for very long sufficient to get a great glimpse into Russian tradition, here you will find the things that i really want you to learn about Russia and Russians:
1. The greater old-fashioned view of females that persists in Russia comes with its perks in dating (and life that is day-to-day
That I do not condone any “traditional” view of women that involves domestic violence or any kind of behaviour that devalues, disrespects or degrades the importance of the woman’s free will before I get stuck into this point, I want to make it clear.
The things I do wish to state is the fact that, as being a financially-independent Western girl, I REALLY LIKE that Russian males hold doorways available me off buses for me and help.
Do it is expected by me? No.
Does it enrage me personally whenever it can or does not take place? Not at all.
Do i’m a small flutter of butterflies during my belly when my date does it? Without a doubt I Really Do!
It’s a respectful motion and it suggests that they’re capable of thinking about other people. If nothing else, that is certainly much better than having a guy yell “nice arse” at me personally from an automobile…
It’s a tad bit more complicated away from the scene that is dating.
I’m grateful when a guy helps me straight down through the train or bus. I’m Australian and I also have always been perhaps maybe not yet comfortable leaping down one thing just a little higher than I’d so it is genuinely helpful like it to be when my landing space is covered in snow and ice.
It’s additionally heartwarming to see males assisting ladies with prams, shopping bags/trolleys or other things within the stairs, BUT i am going to admit that I’m suspicious of just just what my male 14-year-old pupils are as much as once they insist on keeping the class room home available for me personally. ??
It is additionally just a little bewildering whenever a senior woman rejects my offer to greatly help her along with her shopping, and then accept the offer regarding the next male that is passing.
Russia is certainly not a impairment friendly invest numerous ways, therefore I do question whether these gestures that being increasingly scrutinized when you look at the West and called down as potentially being “sexist” are borne of prerequisite and consideration, not quite as due to a far more “traditional” view of females.
The point is, once I remember the battles that I experienced with lazy/tired Melbourne employees for the train seat once I had stitches in my own base and compare it using the Russians leaping off their seats to help anybody somewhat even worse off than by themselves, i believe the western could discover anything or two.
2. The greater old-fashioned view of females that persists in Russia comes with its downsides in dating
Therefore, whilst I adore the doorways which have opened for me personally regarding the dating scene since we moved to Russia (pun meant), We haven’t exactly gamed the device and discovered excellence here.
There are particular objectives that can come along side being women in Russia that we don’t always sign up for. I’m a pretty low-to-zero maintenance woman, when you look at the feeling that We don’t invest a huge amount of time keeping myself and my typical hairstyle is “yes, my locks happens to be washed recently sufficient after which left to its very own devices”.
A number of my male friends and times have actually brought this through to a quantity of occasions.
A number of the commentary are innocuous:
“You don’t look or dress such as a Russian”
Some are a bit more overt:
“Have you ever seriously considered having your teeth whitened? ”
But them all proof that my mindset is unquestionably a quirk that Russian men notice.
In Australia, ladies who cannot prepare or whom don’t just take ownership of housekeeping duties aren’t likely to be ostracized these times. I’ve firsthand experience and a number of anecdotes that recommend Russian males choose ladies who will tackle these tasks with a grin.
The guy that is russian I’ve been seeing is thrilled to prepare. He really makes me elaborate breakfasts whenever we remain.
He could be additionally significantly more than happy to use the backseat on almost every other dinner and makes a show of complimenting me whenever we prepare.
It’s a small Pavlovian, however for now We find it cute so no damage, no foul.
Another difference that is cultural I’ve noticed is that male-female friendships aren’t typical. Pupils in my own classes have actually raised their eyebrows more often than once whenever I’ve mentioned hanging out with a friend that is male.
Navigating friendships with Russian guys could be tricky because their motives are usually just a little dissimilar to your own personal.
This definitely exists within Western tradition, nevertheless the undertones take steroids in Russia, where wedding and kiddies are hot subjects between the moms and dads of solitary people inside their mid-to-late twenties.